akwatts's Xanga

Packing up, and moving out!

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 04:24:10 GMT

This is my official post to say that Xanga is now my former "blog" home. I have moved. I am now writing at Wordpress. My address is: http://thatangiegirl.wordpress.com/. This link will take you directly to my new site. I will not be posting on my Xanga site any longer, so write the new website onto your post-it note and head on over to my new site. This site is much more effective and is very clean-cut for the writing I like to do. Thanks for moving with me! :) See you over at Wordpress! :)

Good advice.

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 02:45:11 GMT

Quote from my dad last night:
"It doesn't matter how many times you fall, it only matters how many times you get back up."

Good advice....i love my dad.

My ice cream family.

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 03:30:52 GMT

Today on my drove home, I followed a little piece of heaven. Ok, so it was an ice cream truck. And for those of you who know me, ice cream isnt really a big thing for me. But today...well today was different. I dont know what it was about this Belfonte ice cream truck, but something about the 3-foot-wide scoops of ice cream on the back seemed glorious. I wish i had a picture of the actual back of the truck...this picture isnt the picture i saw...this just doesnt do it justice. I mean, these ice cream scoops were beautiful. I dont know what it was about it...maybe it was the mint-chocolate chip scoop that especially seemed to be calling out to me. Or maybe it was the slogan that said "Family Made Just For You." (Really? I can be apart of an ice cream family.....family, really? Where do i sign up?)

Again, this probably seems really strange to be coming from me, because I'm just not an ice cream person. But today, I was ready to sign the legal documents and join into this amazing ice cream family...mint chocolate chip, strawberry swirl, rocky road, tin roof sunday, chocolate-peanut butter, cookie dough, and all.

The funny thing is that i only followed this truck for maybe two minutes...but you see the impression it had on me. I can still envision the picture on the back. In fact, at one point in my stalkerish following of this truck, i nearly missed the fact that it slammed on its breaks. But i noticed and slowed down as well...dont worry. But thats not what got my attention the most...it was when the truck turned off an exit and i naturally turned my blinker on and was taking the exit as well when i realized that it wasnt the exit i needed! I needed the next exit! Talk about a wake up call.

What's enticing you to get off on the wrong road?

The frizz.

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 20:37:07 GMT

Its been...oh...something like 3 weeks since i've straightened my hair. Thats a pretty big accomplishment for me. If you know me, I tend to like my hair straight. (although I am growing quite fond of my curly lockes now that its long.) Well Mexico, Texas, and a rain-filled Kansas are not the places for my straight brown hairs to stay straight. So yesterday, being a saturday filled with no plans, i just decided to straighten my hair for the fun of it...knowing that it was pouring down rain outside. But surely the few minutes running to and from my car and the store wouldnt be a big deal for my nicely straightened hair..right?

Wrong. Two seconds and Miss Frizzle showed up. As in...my hair looked like a nasty dog tail. What a waste of 10 minutes of straightener use.

When am I gonna learn that i have curly hair?

What are you still learning to accept about yourself?

I love my job!

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 02:44:14 GMT

Let me just say that I have been blessed to work with some pretty incredible people...they rock my world daily and challenge me to live more and more like Christ the more I spend time with them. Yay God. Can I just have this job for, like, the rest of my life!? Boo for summer internships that have to end, and boo for school that has to start in the fall.

Side note: Is xanga even cool anymore? Im pretty sure its not. Yay for blog "feeds" that go into facebook...there's a slight chance i can keep up with the cool kids. Oh well, its good for my sanity to write things out, so yay for xanga sustaining my emotional health. just kidding.

I know I did this same internship last year, and I grew and changed and was challenged in ways I never have been before or since...but this summer the internship has been another huge growing process for me. Lets just say I have rediscovered that I have passions...like, deep firey burning passions...and i can't contain myself. If any of the youth from Westside are reading this....I LOVE YOU GUYS!! Seriously, I am your biggest fan and I want to go to bat for you guys and help see some dreams become realities. This isnt just a summer thing for me anymore, you guys are plastered to my heart and that wont end with the internship. I'm cheering for you guys.

So...God....is there a way you can give me a job like this...like...somewhere in the world, sometime in my life. Some place where I can encourage students to dig deeper into their faith...to see students "get it"...to see them go on to become passionate leaders for the cause of Christ. I may be artistic, I may love to write, but there is a passion that burns stronger and deeper than that. I want people to know you, and to become more like you. Use me. And whether that is in the form of a job, or just as a volunteer...send me! For as long as KC is my home, I will be walking along side the youth of Westside Family Church cheering them on every step of the way. Thank you God for reviving my passions.

I love my job....and just like last year, I'll probably bawl my eyes out when its over. But one thing is different, passion doesnt die with an internship, or with a summer. Community doesnt have to stop the day one chapter of life ends. The people I look up to and admire and respect and call my friends, they dont go out of the picture.

Thank you, God.

Stupid Prayers

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 15:21:38 GMT

So i'm an idiot.

Yeah basically, thats what it comes down to. I've been starting to pray stupid prayers. When i say stupid prayers i dont mean "God, bring me a 6' tall man with blue eyes and brown hair." I dont mean "God, I'd sure like a Dodge Charger." And I dont mean "Could it please stop raining, God?"

No. I mean reckless abandonment of anything nice, and comfy and of the flesh. I mean nothing held back. The kinds of prayers that you think "can i just eat what i said?...i dont know if im ready for that." The kind of prayers that cry "break me, strip me of myself, wreck my life in such a way that my only hope is you, bring trials, bring suffering if it means I will cling more and more to you and less and less to myself."

So i'm an idiot.

Wow, its been a while.

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 23:54:15 GMT

Yeah...you thought I decided to move south of the border, huh? Sorry i havent updated in a while. But that doesnt mean that God hasnt been turning my world upside down..because He has! Let me try to bring you up to speed with what I have been learning the past few weeks. There's no way i can cover it all in one post, so it may take a few entries before i get it all out. I am not even the same as I was just three or four short weeks ago....so theres a lot to write about!

First topic: Fear.
Before I left for Mexico, God began uncovering some of the enemy's lies that I was starting to believe. Lies about my worth, my capabilities, my potential, and my value. Before i left, I began to realize that I am capable of so much more than I ever give myself credit for. I tell myself that I'm not worth anything, that i can't do anything. Thats not true. Before I left, God started revealing some big things in my life that deal with fear. I have been trapped by fear in multiple facets of my life. The fear to communicate with people because of what they may think of me, or because of a lack of anything to talk about. I had a lack of things to talk about because i never did anything...because I feared i wasnt capable of doing things. I feared getting to know people better, to open my heart to them. I feared depending on people, in fear that they would just let me down. I was held captive by fear. Well God broke through a lot of that in Mexico. Let me share with you what I wrote the day after I returned...

Everyone says they see God so clearly in Croc, Mexico. I have to admit, I really doubted that when I went down there. It was hot, it smelled, nothing tasted good, it was dirty, it was just plain gross. The work was hard. I've never had such a weak, queezy stomach. And how do you hear and see God when you are dripping in sweat at a dead stand still? I'll be honest, in the midst of it, I really didn't enjoy it much.

But in the past few days, I have seen and heard God so clear. I think it has a lot to do with what Stephanie Major said about our body, mind, and soul all being connected together...because when i didnt feel good, I didn't feel God. But ever since Sunday, God has really been speaking to me.

It's funny, because I thought I'd have a whole new revelation completely separate from how I've been feeling before I left. But, as God likes to do so often, he just dug even deeper into the truths He is trying to teach me.

Before I left for this trip, God really began to open my eyes to the lies satan has been feeding me about my worth. I am worth so much. I am being held in captivity by fear.

God continued to unlock that truth this week. One thing that really started this thought process in me was a comment Meg said while we were driving to Mustang Island. We were talking about things we'd like to do and I said I would love to move to Colorado Springs someday and I said something about waiting until I got married and Meg said "You don't have to wait until you're married to do things." And i said "yeah. Well......yeah." And in my head I was thinking "Yeah I do, I can't do things by myself. I'm not capable of that. That is way too scary."

I began to realize that I am controlled by fear in everything I do!!! Meg was telling us about all of her adventures and everything she has experienced in her life and in high school and college and I just kept thinking "My heart is that adventurous, but I can't do it. I'm too scared. I am trapped by fear!" (God, show me why.)

I don't want to live like this anymore. I have so much potential and am worth so much. I have an incredibly adventurous spirit, yet it's trapped by fear and I use my personality as a crutch. I see myself as adventurous as Meg or Stephanie, yet I do nothing about it. I fear talking to people because I dont do anything that I have to talk about. I dont do anything because I fear that I'm not capable. God got me out of my comfort zone all week, and He used me to bless other and He developed qualities in my personality. I think its a proven fact that we must get out of our comfort zone to grow, mature, and develop into the people God wants us to become.

God, continue to work in my life on this area. Like Meg said, the lie is that life begins when you get married. Married people say that life ends when you get married. God, let me love my life at whatever stage I'm in. God teach me about fear. I know you have a lot to say about it. Give me strength and courage as I go through this journey. Thank you for Meg. Thank you for wrecking my life. Be with me as I go back to those places of pain and figure out why I have lost my sense of worth. Be with me as I figure out why I have so much fear, and why I am trapped by it. Thank you for what you are doing in my life.

Another thing I realized I feared was opening my heart to someone new. I love Meg and I'm so glad I'm getting to know her better and I am beyond-words-excited to actually see her as a friend rather than just as a leader or a role model. To see her on the same level as me and to see that she has questions just like me. We are worlds apart, yet we're on the same level. Yet as I get to know her better, it leads to me having to open my heart with her. It leads to the risk of what she could think of me, the risk of us having to say goodbye, to risk of altering her perception of me, the risk of losing her.

Risk, fear, comfort zones. Growth, maturity, development.
God, I need your help.

That's the process God started in me in Mexico. And its not even close to being completed...if it ever does become completed. But thats where I'm at. And seeing me interact with people now compared to four weeks ago, you'd think I was a different person. God is wrecking my life and personality, and I'm loving every minute of it.

Mexico, here i come!

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 00:31:09 GMT

I just wanted to say goodbye to you all before I head down "South of the Border," to the land of burritos! :)

Please keep me in your prayers, as I do not feel mentally prepared for this trip, and that I have been in a whirlwind in the last day or so trying to get everything lined up and packed away. Please pray for peace and a clear mind, and that God will lay a burden on my heart for the people of Croc, Mexico. That God will use me to impact their lives, and that He will use them to forever change mine as well. Pray for safety and good health for the entire trip, and pray that my heart will be free from any pre-concieved notions that I may have. Pray for strength, as i know that the days will be long and hot, and that leading a group of teenagers is not always the most relaxing and easy thing to do.

I am very excited to see what God has in store for me in the upcoming two weeks. I know that I will see God in ways I never have seen him before, and that I will see things differently when i come back. I will miss you all, and am praying for you guys as well.

If you want to keep up with what is happening down in the Land of Burritos, you can call the Team Mexico Hotline at 913-890-4268. It will be updated by 9pm every night, and it is a pre-recorded message, so you wont have to talk to anyone you dont know!! :) If there is any type of emergency (a life-and-death emergency), the emergency number is 913-620-1880 (westside member) or 011-5281-1130-9252 (youth front emergency phone number). International rates do apply. :) hehe.

have a wonderful two weeks, and i will definitely update you guys when i get back. Love you all and thank you for your prayers!!

Angie

The goodness of life!

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 03:27:15 GMT

Crystal found these clips on youtube and totally reminded me of the best parts of life!! I'm a little kid again!!!

Zoobilee Zoo!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5A2DpRoeN0

Lamb Chops Play-Along!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNTxr2NJHa0

This brings my imagination back like i was a little kid. This really is the goodness of life. :)

That pink haired girl.

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 06:17:39 GMT

I have a friend named Crystal.
Let me tell you, Crystal is great. The first i ever knew about Crystal it was because i was interested in volunteering with the communications at Westside, and she was my contact person. Im pretty sure i thought she had to be like in her 30's cuz you had to be a top-dog to be a graphic designer at westside..right? Definitely admired that. So then i find out she's only in her early 20's. Double admiration. I mean, shoot...seriously, how much better could it get. She pretty much had the job i dreamed about. :) Oh yeah, and did i mention i LOVED westside graphics, so i automatically thought she was AH-MAZING.

Then comes summer of 2006. I become an intern and find out one of the interns is good friends with Crystal (OMG-NO WAY. I might meet her!). Okay, so i first meet her...and we'll just skip that cuz it was weird..she basically didnt talk to me and i was pretty much in shock cuz i couldnt get over how much i loved her designing stuff and then she's saying how she doesnt want me to take her job and it was just really awkward. But we'll fastforward that. She spent the night at our internville house several times....we even ended up going swimming together and jsut talking and getting to know each other better.

You know what i love about Crystal? You're not just another person to Crystal. She wants to get to know you. She wants one on one time with you. You matter to her. I mean, i cant tell you how many people who say "lets get to know each other better" and never do. She makes time to get to know you. For someone who feels like im just another invisible person in the crowd, this thing alone is like gold.

You know what else? Her boldness and desire to be unique and make a difference. She wont conform. (if she did, she wouldnt have pink hair.) She is 22 and knows that her voice matters, and wont let her voice be taken away without a fight. I respect that. I'm 21 and dont think im worthy of a single peep. To see someone who demands action and wont give up until they see that...and to know she's only 22 too...amazing. And the fact that she has already gotten so far in life at such a young age. Seriously, I aspire to have her career someday...and she already has it, only a year older than me. Awesome.

And also this. She's a great designer and i love to be able to talk about design with her. Enough said.

And especially this. She's honest. Seriously, she's one of the most honest, raw, genuine people i know. She wont hide her flaws...she'll willingly discuss them and admit she doesnt have everything together. I love that. People who act flawless really rub me the wrong way....And i appreciate that Crystal openly shows that she is a broken vessel used by God.

And lastly (and only because im running out of time and energy, not really because its the last great thing..), I love that Crystal is an example of a life chasing after God. She inspires me to seek the vision God has placed on my life. To be so courageous with so little answers, and great fears of the unknown, she still runs after the heart of God with a firey passion.

I love you, Crystal. Thanks for who you are.